Who I am, what I do, what I don’t, and what you can expect to find here.

Some information has come out about me; I always knew if would, if I tried to do activist work.  I’ve considered seriously what I should say, if anything, and ultimately I’ve decided to acknowledge what has happened, both recently and in the summer of 2010, when I was forcibly outed as trans by the National Enquirer.  (The Daily Mail followed up by outing me as gay.)

My parents are two people who are well known because they are very good at making art.  Their names are Warren Beatty and Annette Bening.  I’m proud to be their son.  There’s a reason my blog didn’t initially have my full name on it: I knew at least a few rags would pick it up and try to make my political views into a sensationalistic story.  I figured it wouldn’t be the end of the world if they did–I’m proud of my politics and of the writing I’ve done on this blog–but not my favorite thing either.  And of course it’s happened, and I’m not so much surprised as irritated, but I’d like to take the opportunity to say something.

I did not want to come out to the media.  I figured that information was private, and honestly, probably not very interesting.  After all, I’ve never sought fame or done anything interesting enough to warrant fame.  My parents have.  I haven’t done anything fameworthy, unless you count being born in a certain context.

I have had my privacy invaded and deeply personal information about me broadcast.  And nothing about the situation has to do with me.  It has to do with a cis supremacist society, one in which trans people do not have the right to privacy or basic human courtesy with respect to our lives or our bodies.  The world does not have the right to know whether I am on testosterone, whether I intend to have various different surgical procedures, or anything else about my body.  The fact that my body is a trans body does not make it public property or a matter of public knowledge.  The fact that my life is the life of a trans person does not make it a matter of public knowledge.

I am not a “she-man” or a “he-she.”  “She-man” and “he-she” are oppressive slurs, like “faggot.”  If you are reading journalism that refers to me with slurs, and it’s brought you here to my blog, I encourage you to question what you’ve read previously.  Similarly, if you’ve been reading journalism that discusses my private life, question why this is being reported on, why I am being treated like a laboratory specimen and not a person.  These ways of talking about transgender people enforce violent narratives.  They help to produce a culture that is not safe for transgender people, and we do not deserve that.  We, like everyone else, deserve to be safe.

I choose to continue the work I’ve been doing on this blog: talking about trans issues, queer issues generally, and my efforts to be an ally to those who don’t share my oppressions (i.e. disabled people, people of color, women, and more).   If you’ve come here looking for Hollywood gossip or some sort of “feud,” I’m not who you’re looking for. I am a poetry and anthropology student at a liberal arts college, man.  I sit in my room, read, drink tea, knit, and think about social justice politics.

If you’d like to read about oppression and difference in the world–mostly queer politics, with a focus on trans folks, but also race, disability, class, and women’s issues–then you’re in the right place.  I’m a young guy who is at the beginning of a lifelong learning process.  I have a lot of privilege to check and dismantle; I’d appreciate if you’d help me do that if you see me saying something fucked up.

One of the most important tools I’ve found to fight oppression with is art, especially poetry, so you may find talk about contemporary poetry on my blog every so often.  (For example, a queer female poet of color just won the National Book Award!)  I’ve had some of my work published.  If you’re curious about my work as a writer, there’s some information on my About page.

I don’t want a free pass into the world of activist writing and thinking just because my parents happen to be well known, so don’t stick around for that!  Stick around if you’ve read a couple of my posts, think you like my politics, and are interested in what I’ve got to say.  If you’re new to the world of social justice oriented writing, I assure you there are lots of much better social justice bloggers out there than me.  I’ve just linked to two of my favorites, Monica Roberts and Julia Serano.  You should go read them right now.

If you’ve come here looking for some basic education about trans issues, that’s fabulous.  Check out this Trans 101 post by Asher Bauer!  If you’re confused about terminology, you can check out these columns I wrote a while ago on the subject–one of them is a glossary of basic terms.  I can’t promise they’re ideal, but they’ll give you some basis and background.

For reference, I have the WordPress’s comment moderation on.  If your comment contains any cissexist or transphobic language, it won’t be posted.  If your comment is a request for education on trans issues, I’ll post it, but I can’t promise to answer you personally!  Sorry. Hopefully one of the links I just posted can help you out, or someone else in the comments will give you a hand.  I’m a full time student, I have a part time job, and I run a student activist organization.  It makes for very limited free time.

So, that’s about the shape of it:  If you’re here for the activism, pull up a chair.  If you’re here for some other reason, you’re probably going to be disappointed.

Take care!

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71 Responses to “Who I am, what I do, what I don’t, and what you can expect to find here.”


  1. 1 Priscilla's great grandmother November 18, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    Oh dear, I had no idea who your parents were. Let me just state that, from having spent most of the past few days reading your articles trying to understand things, your parents can be equally proud of you as you are of them. You seem to be wise beyond your years.

  2. 3 Julie Bot November 18, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    You seem awesome. Best of luck in your (life) studies.

  3. 4 cb (@6x4) November 18, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    i’m sorry that the media has been treating you with such blatant disrespect, and moreover that it thinks what it’s doing is OK just because of your assigned sex.

    you’re an incredibly smart and well-spoken person and i hope that one day your fame will come from these facts about you and not the fact that you’re trans.

    you have a lot of courage for continuing to write as things are now! i admire you, a lot. peace.

  4. 5 binky November 18, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    Why the profanity? It’s really quite offensive — and unnecessary. Why the need to offend? This is a serious question, and it would be nice to get a thoughtful answer.
    As soon as someones starts using the “f” word, I turn off.

    thx, binky

    • 6 Stephen November 18, 2011 at 6:13 pm

      Binky, I appreciate your comment, but I do use profanity. I don’t believe in the idea that a certain word can be bad by definition. If it bothers you very much, this might not be the blog for you. Sorry!

      • 7 B Chala November 29, 2011 at 9:31 pm

        Agree with Binky; I like the blog but I think we can all challenge ourselves to choose words that do not include profanity. But, thanks for the reply to Binky – just so I know how you feel.

      • 8 Martha G. November 30, 2011 at 10:59 pm

        On the flipside, I’m completely OK with your use of profanity. The F word is just another word. It’s your blog. You shouldn’t have to censor yourself to please others. Those who prefer a less profane blog are free to read elsewhere.

        I just found your blog and so far I’m very impressed with how you express yourself and your ideas. Thank you!

        • 9 AVO January 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm

          lol… I read this and had to think to myself, “profanity? I didn’t notice any profanity. . .?” And then searched to find the word, which was used perfectly in context, I thought. lol

          I just discovered your blog today… was directed to it by a friend who wanted me to see your critiques of Chaz Bono… really really loved and agree with your thoughts. I do a lot of activism around queer issues, and I spend lots of time trying to figure out ways to convey my thoughts to those who don’t even have the basic 101 understanding yet… (you know, those folks whose eyes glaze over when you start listing “-isms”). I don’t blame them, cuz it’s all really confusing if you’ve never thought about it before. So I try to be patient with folks, and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with the world.

          Hope you’re knitting something beautiful!

  5. 10 amy November 18, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    I am very sorry humanity has not matured. All any of us are is ourselves – whatever that may be. The journey to discover Self is the only one any of us are frankly on in this life I think. I learned more from smaller moments in mine – than the big ones. But everyone is different. I wish humanity could collectively decide to eradicate suffering but my experience so far – humanity as a collective is a mighty scary beast – pockets of lovely but en masse? Not so much. Makes me sad. I am a bit older but I remain confused by many reading tabloids that don’t contain any real information about the human condition which I believe is currently deplorable (and could easily be corrected if everyone would journey to Self). But, I should not be pessimistic as you begin your treck. Sorry about that. Godspeed as you begin this great journey. Beware the charmers and personal energy users/abusers. They come in many forms. And some are quite stealth. Oh and never ever care what anyone else thinks. No one. You are a sovereign being. You answer to you.

  6. 12 Marta Martin Amos November 18, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    First let me say that your intelligence is a little intimidating. I am twice your age and find myself needing a dictionary by my side as I read your blog. ;)
    Still, what keeps me reading is the profound compassion you exhibit for yourself and your reader. “You are an old Soul” must be a very familiar phrase to you by now.
    As to your mom and dad. Although it can’t be easy, I think it’s a blessing because it allows you a platform to build a bridge between the trans community and those of us who know very little about it. That can only be a good thing, right? Although I am a sister to a gay man, I know nothing of the trans community except for what, wait for it….Chaz Bono has said about it. Until now, that is.
    For what it’s worth, I am in awe of your courage and your humor. I have three small children and, like all mother’s, want nothing more for them than to be their best selves and to make a positive impact on society. If your mother feels the same, well, she must be very proud.

    Besitos,
    Marta

  7. 13 Em November 18, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    You seem way too modest to consider yourself as someone carrying a torch but you’re the torch. You really are. A delight to read, cannot wait to see where your path leads you, onto good things I can tell. I hope you’re sure to enjoy right now as well, and I think you are!

  8. 14 michelle victoria November 18, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    What wise words you are sharing, may this blog be seen by many.
    What a blessing you have to be so young (although you may not feel it) and to be able to express and live who you truly are. I am much older (and that is still a bit shocking remembering 20 as if it was not all that long ago, while at the same time feeling as if it was another lifetime) and just learning to live the life that I am truly meant to live. So know that your words can inspire many and also remind others like myself to continue the on the path that I feel I am meant to tread.
    While I believe that all experiences bring us closer to ourselves if we are willing to learn from them many are extremely challenging…but what is the alternative. In this time on this planet it feels as if we are learning more and more that to love is the greatest gift, and whatever form it takes does not matter.
    Maybe when we all can accept ourselves in love we will more often see and know that it is being expressed outward as well.
    I feel fortunate to have wound up on your blog today, another gift on this journey.
    peace and light
    michelle

  9. 15 Rachael Macry November 18, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    I just now found you from one of those media outlets. I must say I’m amazed at how very articulate you are on just the two posts I read. You are yards above most humans I encounter in your ability to explain life as you know it. You seem very patient and kind as well. I would be proud to be your parent, partner, or friend. I am bookmarking this blog- hope you stay around here for a good long while!

  10. 16 Charles November 18, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    I’ve been really enjoying reading your posts since I came across your blog yesterday. As a queer/gay trans boy, I identify strongly with many things you’ve written, and I am tickled by the moments I see a delightful fey humor break through. It’s been less than 24 hours, and your writing has already become important to me!

    On the present subject, I’m sorry that this all is happening to you, and I think you’re handling it with a remarkable amount of grace. My best to you.

  11. 17 inoculatedcity November 18, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    I’m thrilled to have discovered your blog; I haven’t seen a blog run by a trans guy that I related to so much since finding Asher’s. I’m also a binary-identified trans guy, but I’ve noticed that the majority of blogs by guys like us are often binarist, the result of internalized cissexism, trans-misogynistic, white-centered, etc.

    I’d love to add your blog to my blogroll at Inoculated City – really looking forward to seeing the refreshing reality keep rolling out of Super-Mattachine.

  12. 20 witchymorgan November 18, 2011 at 11:35 pm

    You are such a badass. I love seeing other young transfolk advocating fiercely for themselves and unabashedly talking about radical politics. Thank you so much for your passion and bravery. And know that you are not alone. I got your back, brother.

    En la Lucha,
    Morgan

  13. 21 Alix Iron November 18, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    I appreciate your thoughtful words and posts.

    You do have the ability to educate a huge amount of people, because of the attention the media is focusing on you – so I am happy to find you articulate, thoughtful and self-reflective.

    The link you posted to my friend’s website is broken…

    The correct link is http://tranarchism.com/2010/11/26/not-your-moms-trans-101/

    Cheers,

    Alix Iron

    • 22 Stephen November 18, 2011 at 11:42 pm

      Oh man, thanks for the heads up on the link. I’ll fix that. I’m glad you like my stuff, and it’s cool that you’re friends with Asher! I don’t know him at all aside from enjoying his blog, but he seems like such an awesome guy.

  14. 23 alex rose November 18, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    I’ve struggled with how to maintain an identity as a radical queer transman artist on one hand, and a cis-passing dude in corporate job I gotta keep to pay the bills on the other. At my work, they’ve made jokes about Chaz a few times. I don’t want to say anything, because I don’t want to lose my job. I just sit there and grate my teeth.

    Chaz makes me cringe, too–I feel as if a lot of transguys go through Sexist Trope Syndrome, heck, I had some of the symptoms myself years ago now. But for that to be the only representation of transmen can be very difficult to live with.

    Finally, I sympathize, deeply, with being forced to be out. It shouldn’t be your job, but when I saw your response to Chaz today in a major newspaper I was overwhelmed with relief for a moment. I almost wanted to cry, right there in work, realizing I couldn’t say to anyone near me how wonderful it was to recognize another queer.

    To hear someone say what I’d been thinking and feeling about him–to name sexism in our community publicly–well, it meant the world to me. I’m sorry you won’t experience that relief firsthand, but at least know it’s sincerely appreciated.

    All the best,
    Alex

  15. 24 Erin November 18, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    I think you are neat.

  16. 25 Jen November 19, 2011 at 12:34 am

    You’re a great writer – smart, articulate and interesting. I look forward to reading more about you and your work. Good luck!

  17. 26 Shannon/SpinSanity November 19, 2011 at 3:05 am

    I came here via a tweeted link from Roger Ebert about your view on Chaz Bono (I was curious). I wanted to read more so clicked to your most recent post. I’m sorry you’re being harassed by the media. I don’t want to know who your parents are or what hormones you’re taking…I just really want to know what you’re knitting?

    • 27 Stephen November 19, 2011 at 5:20 am

      Thanks so much for your comment. I didn’t even know Roger Ebert mentioned me, but I guess that’s flattering, right?

      Right now, I don’t have any knitting projects. I’m mostly embroidering pillowcases and other non-knitting related things. But I love to knit lace, any lace!

  18. 28 Logan England November 19, 2011 at 3:10 am

    We totally need to start an FtM knitters support group.

    • 29 Stephen November 19, 2011 at 5:16 am

      I’m so down! I don’t have a project right now, but as soon as I do, I want to make stuff with my community!

      • 30 Shannon/SpinSanity November 19, 2011 at 5:48 am

        Have you joined Ravelry? I’m pretty sure you’d find your people (fiber arts + groups for pretty much whatever floats your boat, if you can’t find one that suits, make one!) there. I’m Spinsanity on Rav. Look me up, if you like. I spin yarn, knit, weave a little, and love lace-knitting (bonus love for lace knitting with hand-spun :-)

      • 31 Mike Galipeau November 19, 2011 at 10:01 am

        For fun- a famous male knitter is the late Jacques Plante. In addition to being an accomplished inventor, he was the greatest goalie to play in the NHL. He was known for knitting in the locker room during intermissions and designed and knit the team long undies, as well as the toques he wore until he pioneered the facemask.

    • 32 amy November 19, 2011 at 4:36 pm

      Make sweaters for dogs at the animal shelter. And blankets for them also. Poor things getting abandoned all over the place. They have no one and no voice. Just a suggestion. If you live somewhere that is cold.

  19. 33 wyatt riot November 19, 2011 at 5:49 am

    ugh. that is so awful that they are invading your personal life via your blog. i’m not surprised i guess but i do hope they learn a thing or two and stop publishing things they do not have permission to do so.

    you’re an amazing writer and i’m looking forward to reading more. <3

  20. 36 John Weir November 19, 2011 at 6:00 am

    Yo, I totally dig your stuff on Chaz Bono, though I do want to say that I admire Chaz’s bravery in being out there in the world. I’m speaking now as a 52-year-old gay white guy who came out in like 1982. Fear and loathing of lesbians and gays has changed in almost inconceivable ways in the past 30 years – inconceivable to me, anyway. If you told me when I was a 16-year-old high school lid struggling with daily, even hourly homophobic verbal and physical attacks from my classmates and teachers – if you’d told me then that gay marriage’d be legal on NYState by the 21st century, I would never have believed you. Never. Of course, homophobia is still a terrible problem
    In the US, especially as it gets tied to misogyny. But things have changed. I say all this because it seems to me that the prejudice against trans people is today nearly where bias against homosexuals was 40 years ago. Chaz Bono is only 10 years younger than I am, and I’m sure he most have absorbed some of the misogynist and anti-gay messages that were still prevalent while he was growing up in the 1970s. I’m sorry that his struggle to accept himself has been so painful. Like you, I can’t agree with what seems to me to be the icky essentialism of his remarks about gender difference, and the implied trans-phobia androgyny. Well, he is also guilty of stereotyping masculinity! Given all that, though, I saw him on Letterman and admired his courage. And while I regret his stereotyping of women, men, and trans people, I do think there is value in folks getting out there in public and saying that they are sane and happy belonging to a sexual or gender minority. I admire your bravery, too, your honesty, and your intelligence. Thanks for that. John Weir

    • 37 John Weir November 19, 2011 at 6:05 am

      Gosh, I apologize for some gnarly typos above – “lid” for “kid,” and I don’t know what the word “androgyny” is doing in there. I didn’t write it. I blame autocorrect, which I hate. Anyway, I typed this on my cellphone, which won’t let me scroll back up to proofread my stuff. Sorry. JW

  21. 38 Leah November 19, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    Dear Stephen

    As a social libertarian, with conservative fiscal leanings, I just wanted to let you know that there are lots of people out there who may differ from you politically, but still think you are spot on!! Congrats on your blog, and best wishes for continued success in your personal life.

  22. 39 Lori November 19, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    good luck with everything and ignore the haters — your writing is great and will only get better. you don’t have the luxury of anonymity, but you seem like you’re doing great. <3

  23. 40 goldsmith November 19, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    Dear Stephen, I am sorry that you were upset you were outed by the Daily Mail article. I can see your point. That said, I found your blog through that article and am glad I did. I am already subscribed to Asher’s blog. It is thrilling to see you younger guys taking theoretical debates to new levels. Guys like you and Asher are making everyone’s world larger, and thank you for that. I myself am a 45 year-old gay trans man living in Europe, and transitioning and coming out were lonely experiences. I was not sure I was allowed to exist, back then, or that anyone would facilitate my access to medical services without me lying about my sexual orientation. Luckily, that turned out wrong, and my care providers were great. Yet as I said, it is heartening to see your generation pushing the envelope so much further. Best wishes and please keep sharing your thoughts!

  24. 41 Ericka November 19, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    I’m not going to lie, I came across your blog simply because I am a ‘fan’ of your parents. I didn’t come here thinking they would be discussed, however. I just remember when you were born and I kinda had the feeling like, ‘How is he today?’, which no one has the right to, but being human, we are all curious creatures.

    I don’t know you, but from your writings, I can surmise that you are an extremely intelligent man. You seem thoughtful, in touch with the world, and have that rare quality – knowledge about what you write about. I have forwarded your blog to a few of my friends that I know will be interested in reading what you have to say. Not because of who your parents are. But because you are YOU. Yeah, I might think your parents are nifty, but when I read your blog, I’m not thinking about them. I’m too busy thinking and learning. Keep it up, Stephen. You are your own person, and you know it. You may not have wanted to show the entire world who you are, but your knowledge and writing are true gifts, so if people are going to look, THAT will be what they walk away with. The ones that matter, anyway.

  25. 42 JoAnna Michaels November 19, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    thank you. I stayed hidden for 57 yrs. Afraid to even acknowledge who i am. keep up living life on your terms. it is your life
    JoAnna

  26. 43 Emily Somers November 19, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    I was recently introduced to your blog and I appreciate your well put comments.

    But I must say — as far as trans people go — our rule seems to be to eat our own first.

    I don’t think Chaz is the most articulate man I have ever met, but I’m not so sure he self-appointed himself to be Grand Ipissimus of all things trans. That was, to put it rather simplistically, a media conjuration. From my perspective, not too many people were willing to adopt this role, and I think he was fairly well positioned to play it (and played it quite well.)

    Some of what he says resonates with my experience; some of it doesn’t. Some of what he says seems helpfully elaborative; some of it makes me cringe. I understand the misogyny/essentialism critique. But I’m a little sympathetic–being in the early stages of my own transition (5 months HRT), I’ve realised a thing or two about the neurobiological activity of hormones. I wouldn’t reduce those to basic claims about ‘male brains’ and ‘female brains’, but I also can’t accept that neurobiology is only a cultural construct — a claim popular in the social humanities, which leads to no end of derision from our colleagues on the other side of campus.

    I know there’s a great deal of debate (if not outright infighting) about narratives and discourses that claim or explain a transgender experience, which we all know is as diverse as the number of people who identify with the term. Granted, Cisland may want to know a simple formula to interpret (pathologize?) trans individuals. Quite frankly, the ‘trapped in the wrong body’ trope always worked for me, but I clearly know it doesn’t for others. I think a lot of types of stories rely on clichés at first because they’re most accessible to a mainstream audience. There’s something about a little boy trying on high heels that immediately signals to an audience that something non-normative is brewing, particularly readers for whom non-normative gender identity of any kind is cause for alarm (or at least stress). The problem, though, is that after a while these clichés kind of take over the whole discourse, and through repetition they end up simplifying what is in fact a complex and individualized process.

    So how does someone in the media spotlight present a trans identity that avoids stepping on the blogosphere’s toes? Is it really necessary — and it may be, however clunky and awkward — to preface absolute every statement with, “In my experience as a trans person . . .” or “As I understand it as a trans identified person . . .” — don’t you think such preambles will be excised on the editorial floor anyway?

    In closing, let me just say you’ve won a loyal reader of your blog; and I hope you take my comments as an open-minded response to what I think is a useful conversation.

    Light always,
    Emily

  27. 44 dimovier November 19, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    you are an excellent and mature individual and although it’s awful that the daily fail deemed it appropriate to out you to everybody, i suppose it’s at least good that the blog the readers got directed to is this lovely and articulate one. i can’t imagine what it’d be like to have to transition with news sources hounding your blog while you’re just trying to chill and knit things. continue being awesome, dude.

  28. 45 Lisa November 20, 2011 at 12:15 am

    As the mother of a son about your age, I’m sad at the thought of some of the hideous responses you must be receiving. While you’ve clearly made an affirmative decision to be a social activist, the complicating factor that you also have very famous parents makes your decision to speak in a (somewhat) public forum particularly fraught.

    Still, as a very liberal woman in her 40s who strives to be accepting, educated and informed, I’m really grateful that your considered critique of Chaz Bono brought your blog and your concerns to my attention. I’ve thought and talked a lot about issues around the gay community, but now realize that I am woefully ignorant about issues in the transgender community. So I’m glad — and I hope you are, too — that the press attention your blog is getting is helping educate me and people like me, and I’m very impressed by the constructive tone you take in your writing.

  29. 46 Ben November 20, 2011 at 1:23 am

    I’m really sorry that this happened…I can’t claim to fully understand how much of a violation that is but I’ve become more aware of trans issues over the last few years thanks to a few awesome people I’ve gotten to know better. (I’m a gay cisgendered male).

    Like so many others, the media is what brought me to your blog. But I’m fortunate to have discovered a new blog with excellent, intelligent writing in the process. I’m glad you’ve decided to keep going.

    Take care.

  30. 47 Jenna :) November 20, 2011 at 3:47 am

    From reading your entries, I feel you are a beautiful person. You are certainly a beautiful and thought-provoking writer. Thank you for choosing to be ally in the cause of social justice for all — including as you do the disabled, people of color, minorities, and women. It really is important. Best of luck on finals and your time in academia. Enjoy it!

  31. 48 Wendy November 20, 2011 at 7:45 am

    Wow-I had no idea who your parents are. I really appreciated your blog because it addresses anti-oppression/social justice issues and forces its readers to open up their lens around power dynamics, and how the abuse of this power inevitably causes harm, pain, and misrepresentation for others.

    I think it’s hard for many of us to understand what it must be like to be a child of famous parents, with all of the highs, I’m sure it also has quite a few lows. Once, when your mom was accepting some award I loved how she thanked all of her children and said “I can see your faces.” I’m not even a mother yet myself, but I remember thinking she really gets it. It’s obvious you have been very well parented and more importantly very well loved!

    It’s clear through your writing that you believe everyone deserves the same degree of love, understanding, privilege, and voice that you have received. You are on your way to having a profound impact, so please keep writing. It’s through this kind of work, and this kind of passion, that trans-formative social change can take place.

  32. 49 gabriela November 20, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Love your blog. Came upon it by accident as I too started a blog about my eating disorder.
    I too use profanity. I agree with you, if you don’t like it, then this isn’t the blog for you. I’d love to follow you and wonder if you’d let me post a link to your blog. I am very active in LGBT rights and two years ago met the most wonderful transgender woman and her wife. I am learning a lot about life from her point of view and love asking questions, learning and continuing to teach others, without shoving my beliefs in their faces. LOVE YOUR BLOG!

  33. 50 rorty November 20, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    As a rather conservative evangelical I’ll probably disagree with 99.9% of what I may find here. Nonetheless, I admire the grace and maturity with which you’ve handled this bloody awful invasion of your privacy. Pretty damned good job if you ask me….

  34. 51 mimi champlin November 20, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    Peace xo

  35. 53 Christine November 21, 2011 at 3:17 am

    Stephen, it’s lovely to meet you. Yes, the tabloid mess brought me here out of boredom and curiosity, but what makes me comment is an intelligent, well thought out man who knows how to handle the less attractive aspects of human nature with grace and dignity. Be proud of your parents certainly, as I hope they are proud, very deeply of you. It is always a gift to be shown perspective. Thank you for my gift.

  36. 54 Amelia November 21, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    I recently found out a blog I wrote in high school (which was deleted from its original server) is archived somewhere – and I was mortified. Not because it was so terribly embarrassing (I was 15 when I wrote it, so some of it was, but it wasn’t “can’t run for office now!” stuff, just cringey in retrospect), but because I was newly aware that people out there in the world could find and judge it, and that scared me. So I don’t know how you feel, but I know how something far less invasive or upsetting made me feel, and you have my sympathy.

    I read your blog to the beginning on Friday, and I’m already recommending it to people I know who are trying to do their work to better understand how to be a true ally. (I’m recommending it among other blogs, and not because of your family, but because I thought you did an admirable job of presenting complex ideas in an accessible way – particularly your early post on gay and trans identity/community issues.)

  37. 55 zoey November 22, 2011 at 11:20 am

    You are great!
    your parents genes as great artists certainly did come through you : You are a writer who shows great clarity about a very misunderstood subject.
    Chapeau!

  38. 56 Kyle November 27, 2011 at 5:46 am

    Hey Stephen,

    I used to work for your family, you may or may not remember me, but I just wanted to say that I’ve been following your blog and am incredibly proud to see that you have taken the opportunity to have a voice for others, and that you’re using that in an honest and intelligent way. Keeping this blog is going to be important to so many. Hope you’ve been well.

  39. 58 Ginevra November 27, 2011 at 10:52 pm

    You write with such sensitivity.
    In general, I cringe from the use of labels and prefer fluidity.
    When I was about 13, I looked a bit like you did at that age and during high school I alsoand also sat in my room writing, reading and crocheting afghans…
    I went into what has been considered to be a “male dominated” profession… And guess what? More often than not, the men were more supportive than me than other women and quite often it seemed men collaborated better than women. Not always, though, but enuf so I found I could not generalize.
    Stay well!

  40. 59 sarah November 28, 2011 at 3:36 am

    So terrific to read some critical theory in blog format :) Glad to have stumbled across your writing. I am currently doing some research about feminist mothers’ narratives/experiences about raising sons and have found ideas about many of the things u write about to be very helpful in working between the binary dualism of our very structured lives. I look forward to reading more of your posts. Cheers Sarah

  41. 60 Lori November 28, 2011 at 5:53 am

    Stephen- For a young man, you are very well spoken… what a pleasure! I am a therapist in LA, and although my practice is not exclusively related to transgender issues (although it’s a personal favorite), I am focused on communication and how to bring people closer so that each person is seen and heard. After all, isn’t that what we all just want in life? I thoroughly enjoy helping people connect with others and reach relationship potentials, mostly by teaching them how to get out of their own way. Although I did not hear Chaz’s comments, I have to say that his biggest statement to the world was less made verbally, but more made emotionally. He is just a man, who is in a loving relationshhip, who wants to be accepted, and had the courage to attempt dancing on-air with literally no experience… BRAVO! If family members can see, embrace and accept the changes in their loved ones, than we can all move forward in a healthier direction. I think Chaz gave the world a visual of that image… so nice to see.
    Your blog is also going to open the eyes of so many people…thank you! Enjoy your years in college and have fun… you deserve it, just like every young person finding their independnece. Be well!
    My best,
    Lori

  42. 61 taylor November 28, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    Hey Stephen,

    I came across your blog from the chaz press coverage, and I was really pleasantly surprised. I too, was in utter disbelief when I read chaz’ comments about gossiping women. Anyway, just wanted to say keep up the good work and I’m sorry about the privacy violations and such….

  43. 62 Eric December 7, 2011 at 8:19 am

    Does this site have a RSS feed?

  44. 64 Kathy December 14, 2011 at 5:33 am

    Hi Stephen, I’m straight and a pretty conservative Catholic too. I found your blog via the press coverage. And I just want to say how much I admire your poise and maturity in the way you’ve handled your “outing.” I’ve long been a big fan of your parents’, not really because of their Hollywood fame but rather because they obviously have such amazingly wise family values. They must be as proud and respectful of you as you obviously are of them. Good luck with your final exams, and Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  45. 65 Tom December 15, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    Stephan Ira, I was a high school classmate and good friend of your dad, have visited your LA home, and had the pleasure of meeting your wonderfully talented mother. I talk with Warren now and then, and children and child raising was always a prime topic. Warren never mentioned your journey of identity and, even after I became aware of it (via sleazeball gossip columns), I never brought up the subject up with him because it was my understanding that he was having trouble coming to terms with the situation. I do know that he loves and admires you – that was made clear enough over the years – but I won’t initiate a discussion that he might find uncomfortable. I value our friendship and wouldn’t want to jeopardize it for any reason. But what I want to say to you, and what I will say to your dad if he brings you into a future conversation, is that I think you are one of the bravest people I (don’t) know. The way you have taken control of shaping your life to fit the realities of your situation is breathtaking at any age, and especially so in one so young. I am not a member of the communities you advocate for, but I am very glad you are applying your intelligence and courage on behalf of those who face barriers and prejudices I can only imagine. So keep it up!

  46. 67 Rhonda January 3, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    I came across your blog by nefarious means, but the outcome is very positive. What a wonderful writer you are. Reading about your journey and struggles is very enlightening. I look forward to reading your upcoming works.

  47. 68 Janice Kawerau July 21, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Stephen, I am impressed with you. This may mean something or nothing to you, but I am. I think you have a very productive life in front of you.

  48. 70 Mrs. Miyagi July 22, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    Hey Steve, I’m totally about activism. However you are a white man of extreme privilege. If you want to understand what is really going on in the queer/trans/gay community in NYC you should drop out of Sarah Lawrence and enroll in a CUNY school. How about Hostos? It’s not that far from where you are a prince of the city, a place where I don’t thing any of the student body has ever paid a bill.

    • 71 Stephen July 24, 2012 at 8:59 am

      You’re right that SLC is massively expensive, and it’s as a function of my economic privilege that I’m able to attend. I chose the college for its particular pedagogical approach–in particular its support of undergrads pursuing their ultra-specific areas of interest–and for its creative writing program. I’m getting a lot out of it, and I figure that the best thing to do is get the best education I can and try to turn it towards subverting the systems that make that kind of education difficult to access.

      ETA: To be clear, I’m not saying that Hostos isn’t a “good school”–I really hate that kind of thinking–but that Sarah Lawrence is just the best fit for me, pedagogically speaking.


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