Email: patchworknureyev@gmail.com

Trans Action Email (the organization I co-chair): transaction@gm.slc.edu

If you’re trying to get into contact to ask about a media appearance, please read my FAQ first.

If you’re trying to get into contact just to talk, or to say you like the blog, or whatever, seriously feel free; I am not a celebrity.  Especially if you’re a queer in a bad place and you need someone to talk to.  Know that right now I’m able to answer all emails, and emails asking for help staying alive in a world that wants us to think we’re not people will always be my priority.

25 Responses to “Contact”


  1. 1 danangel December 1, 2011 at 3:56 am

    Hi Stephen,

    I wrote you a comment in the About section some days ago asking for a possible interview for the blog ambienteg.com

    Whatever you decide about it, will be OK, seriously. But just in case, and after reading your FAQ section, I want to clarify that I’m not interested at all in any aspect of your family and I don’t pretend to make any reference or ask you anything about it. I must confess that such thing led me to your blog but the reason because I asked you for an interview is because I couldn’t read anything before so clearly and well written about the transgender complex identity and how unknown it is even from the point of view of so many LGBTQ Community members.

    If you are finally OK with the interview, I’m open to mention or not your name in the interview or including or not a photo of you is up to you. I’m just interested in your ‘light’ about this subject.

    Again, if you are not interested, I understand completely and I thank you, anyway, for your time.

    Thanks a lot!

    Miguel

  2. 2 Michelle December 15, 2011 at 3:54 am

    Hi Stephen,
    I’m actually not sure if I am writing to the correct place but…
    I would just like to know how you handled telling your parents and siblings. At what age you decided to tell them. How did they all deal with it?
    I have no problem with gay, trans, lesbian or whatever anyone feels the need to be. You are who you are. The problem is my husband who is against anything he doesn’t understand. I will love my children no matter what but I am afraid he will disown them should 1 or more come out as something other than what he expects. I have tried explaining it to him by saying it would be like him being him on the inside but in a womans body.
    Sorry for the personal nature of the questions. I saw an article and followed the link …so here I am lol we live in a very small town so there really isn’t anyone to go to here.

    • 3 Stephen December 15, 2011 at 4:17 am

      It’s ok! I understand needing resources, especially if you’re in a rural place. There’s a real lack of places to go.

      I’m sorry you’re having those difficulties with your husband, but it sounds like you’re dealing with it well–trying to educate him and remaining strong in your belief that everyone’s humanity is equal. If any of your kids end up queer in some way, I believe you’ll be able to give them the love they need, even if their dad is hateful towards them. God, isn’t it awful when someone you love is intolerant? It’s even worse, because you can’t just get mad at them, you have to deal with the fact that you still care for them deeply.

      I’d rather not talk about how my coming out went, because people are so interested in my famous family, and I want to keep things private.

  3. 4 esther gringer December 23, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    Stephen, i think what youre doing is wonderful. I also think youre incredibly hot and intelligent. Thank you for being you. Esther

  4. 5 Mark Smith January 8, 2012 at 12:59 am

    Moderator Note: While this comment isn’t explicitly queer-hating, the website he links to, Save California, is, and may be triggering. Please be aware of this if you click.

    I think you are an incredible fuck up and these are the CONSEQUENCES of Liberals controlling USA. Bill Clinton began the demise. Bill is a worthless POS. He had no skills. He tries to get all the credit from the technology boom of the 1990s. Clinton did NOT do a damn thing to improve the economy. Clinton just happened to be at the right place at the right time. George Bush Sr would have been a great POTUS, if he had been lucky enough to have been POTUS during the infancy of the web, when everything tech was hot. Anyway… hopefully ONE BIG ASS MISTAKE AMERICA will lose in 2012!!! I really love Rick Perry, Michell Bachman, Sarah Palin or even Rick Santorem. But I will vote for Romney just to keep OBAMA from winning. z

    • 6 Violette January 7, 2013 at 3:51 am

      I am a human being who only thinks of herself as me never a woman or straight or white or southern or Primitive Baptist Christian or agnostic or masters prepared or middle class or American or 46 – unless another human being asks me or says words to me or within my earshot about these labels or I read an article where I must recognize the labels within which I fit technically. Applications ask me to check a box. I was raised in a white southern Republican heterosexual home as far as technically accurate labels. BUT we 4 were LOVE. My white southern mother trusted a 16 year old black guy to babysit me in infancy. 4 decades later he is still my dear friend. On paper we have almost nothing in common. Not economically nor educationally nor religiously nor sexually etc etc. But I think of me as just me. Nameless labeless. And I love him and the others whom I love and trust because a true friend for life sees us as just us. They see beyond. I had a college neighbor 1000 miles from here when I was 18 who was the least physically attractive girl I had ever known. I was immature and unwise and confused. Within months I described her as I had to comer to see her in my mind – beautiful. I saw HER. Not the body or face or hair. I saw her because she showed herself to me. Bravery. Free. A soul shared. Today that girl is a woman who lives 50 miles north of me 1000 miles from that college where we first met. Now that my family is all deceased, I think of her that close still, and I think of family. Comfort. I never think of her first as I did the first time I saw her. Scary ugly. I think of her first now as comforting and warm and beautiful. A trusted friend in the night. Thank you Stephen for giving me a moment to think about who I am and express it in a way I have not in 46 years. You said something in a video or essay about appreciating the complexity of people and seeing people as people as you are people we are people. I understand gender and sex and this body we carry governs our lives in degrees that are relatively bigger than we would like sometimes. Sometimes to a burden level. And yet all of that sexual gender mental and emotional and physical experience can be exquisitely beautiful. I wish and hope that people, all of us, but especially Mark Smith above live to see the day when they consider themselves and people, all people no matter how different or scary or confusing they may be, as just people. Souls living. Loving. Life is hard. We all know. A struggle to love the haters. That is my biggest challenge. But I will begin with me. And say to you Mark Smith and Rick Perry, Michelle Bachman, Sarah Palin, Mitt Romney & Rick Santorem.- please just let us all be. The cis, the gay, the neutral. The poor, the rich. The agnostic, the atheist, the Jew, the Pentacostal Christian, the Muslim, the HUMAN Beings we all are. Let us be just people.

  5. 7 Nicky April 13, 2012 at 1:51 am

    Hi Stephen,

    I think you’re really cool.

  6. 8 Chita April 20, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    By the way, I just realized that my first name is so distinctive, it might not provide the privacy I momentarily forgot was not a normal part of Internet communications. It wouldn’t upset me if you made my comment on a possible speaking event with Ms. magazine come from “Jane” instead of the less common “Chita,” if you wouldn’t mind.

  7. 9 billy white May 7, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    more logo art. maybe you’ll like these: could also do just the ‘m’ or just the ‘s.’ plus can give you higher res for t-shirts, etc. if wanted.

    proud to have made the current art on your site. best wishes.

    http://desertventures.com/supermattachine.jpg

    http://desertventures.com/supermattachine.logoonly.jpg

    • 10 Stephen May 8, 2012 at 11:43 pm

      Ahh! This is so awesome of you to just spontaneously offer, as it was before–my blog looks way better because of you. I’ll probably cycle through using these different images too. Thank you!

  8. 11 Jeff May 16, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Stephen, I just stumbled upon your blog by accident when reading up on actors and history. Amazing how one can surf the internet and go from one subject to a totally other one.

    If I understand correctly you are a gay man, transitioning from a female body to male body. This strikes me as unusual in the most of the transgender people I have read about wished to become the opposite sex in which they were born, and were most always attracted to the same sex as they were originally born. Is your situation somewhat rare as I think it might be?

    Anyway, as good as your writing is, the video is even much more compelling and fun to watch. The speed at which you talk is just fine and so much better than others’ I’ve seen who take so long to get to the point(s) being or attempting to be made. I hope you make some more of them soon now that this one came off so well. I also speak fast, think fast, and like to not waste too much time being indirect.

    As a gay man myself, and knowing how it can be difficult to “come out” to everyone, I would have thought that being from very famous parents it would have been even more difficult and/or frightening. But it looks like you just decided one day that that was it. You are brave. I’m still not out to some of my relatives even if they likely know already. I guess you being a part of the generation of connected-ness has been part of what has made you move more freely and swifter than some of us

    I think my main question is why there is the need to transition to a male body? I am not passing judgment on that desire, I just wanted to understand this better. Because if you are attracted to men, I would expect it would simply be opening up the possibilities to more choices, more options if having a female body. I’ve met enough gay women who live practically as men, that the role models of the sexes are pretty much blurred beyond recognition at this late point, at least in the larger and more progressive cities, and likely beyond. I know you are not a gay women, so there is a difference. But I know gay men that do simply feel like “girls” and that is that. Most of them don’t, as far as I know wish to get a sex change, they just love having sex with another man, and they happen to be men.

    And someone with your intellect, and energy, and creativity is going need someone rare and special, and equally bright enough to keep up. If I were in your position, I would want all my options open, and to keep the chance finding Mr. right with the best odds.

    I see that you are just barely a couple of years into blogging about this subject. And you may even have thought about these things, or written about them and I failed to read it thus far. But as much as the politics of this subject is interesting, I’m interested in hearing how you feel personally about sexuality in general. That sounded funny, “personally & generally” it sounds like a contradiction. But I think you can come up with a way to write about it without handing out more than needs to be said. And there is still time too. No hurry right. It is a very personal subject when you consider it. But then your blog subject is not exactly about coin or stamp collecting is it.

    Anyway, the video is great, and your editing is fine. You are refreshingly bright.

    Thanks,
    Jeff

    • 12 Stephen May 17, 2012 at 4:46 am

      Thank you for your compliments, but please do not ask me questions like these. If you googled it at all, you would find that gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things. Also, my body is not female, and I have had no difficulty at all finding other queer men who want to date and fuck me. I am very public about the fact that I came out as trans at 14 and gay at 17–I have had a lot of time to think about my identity, and every single thing you have said here I have heard before. Please use google for your education and not me.

      • 13 Jo June 9, 2012 at 2:58 am

        This reply for example is simply ungenerous, arrogant, condescending and terse. That person, Jeff, took a lot of time to write a thoughtful letter to you to discuss topics with you that he thought you might be able to give him some insight on. And you served him up with such arrogance “…and every single thing you have said here I have heard before. Please use google for your education and not me.” What the hell?
        I am a college professor who works with kids your age all the time, so I’m used to 20-year-olds who have the hubris to think they know it all, but usually they come off as less smug, off-putting and arrogant. Like I said below (and I assume neither one of my comments will ever get published, but I trust you’ll read them when you moderate) I hope my words to you right now, might get you to examine your own conscience about the way you come across to others. I’ve read quite a bit here today and your blog and faq and some of your replies here are really just so condescending it’s mind-boggling. In case you’re wondering…I came to this site because I was googling information about asexual transgendered youth. I have had two students who are are at various stages of transgendered-ness and I have been at a loss at times trying to deal with them in the classroom when their own struggles have spilled over into the classroom in ways that disrupt my teaching and harm their own learning. I want to reach out to them and since I am not transgendered myself I was hoping to find out more by looking through your blog, because I want to serve my students the best way I can but mostly because I am a very empathetic person and I want to nurture those students and help them feel accepted and safe in my classroom. Your blog though shows a young 20 year old who thinks that having come out as trans and gay and whatever else at a young age makes him the world’s highest authority and gives him the right to treat others with disdain. All I can say is shame on you for treating people in a way that you probably felt horrible for being treated when you were in high school and that I hope that with age and maturity you can become kinder and more generous to others…

  9. 14 Jo June 9, 2012 at 2:32 am

    Stephen,
    Honestly, I find you quite off-putting with your arrogant attitude toward people. Too bad, because I have a lot of empathy for people who are struggling with gender issues. You are a little bit self-important for a 20 year old. Maybe as you get older you’ll get a bit more generous with the way you treat other people. Good day.

  10. 15 pegasis June 10, 2012 at 2:06 am

    OK, I’ve had too much wine…ok, I’m 65 and have a gay daughter I’m amazed, inspired and devastated by. Ok, god knows how I found your blog, but I am blown away by your nerve, verve, intention and evolutionary challenge. There is sustenance and there is true change. You embody that change and I am willing (almost) to go ahead and accept the blur.

  11. 17 pegasis June 11, 2012 at 3:23 am

    I’m smilin’. You are right, I am a Mom, but I could have been a Dad. Just sayin’.

  12. 18 Barbar F Bonham July 20, 2012 at 1:10 am

    SEI:

    As a 73 white female, I am impressed with your attitude, style and understanding of who you have evolved into. Although I know and have know “queer” folk, I never experienced first hand the struggle and would try my best to accept whatever a person presents themselves to me.

  13. 20 David Ehrenstein July 20, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Stephen I just saw your video and it’s WAY COOL! . I used to know Marcia P. Johnson. There are a fewshots of her in “Vito” the great new doc about Vito Russo, that I am also in.
    At certain moments in your video you remind me of your father in one of my favorite films of his, “Mickey One.”
    If you feel like it pop me a line at cllrdr@ehrensteinland.com

    All the best!

  14. 21 E July 21, 2012 at 4:11 am

    To Stephen:
    I saw your wehappytrans 7 questions video – it was great! You are so funny, honesty and awesome! Your video made me laugh and really think about things differently, so thank you.
    -E

  15. 22 Liz Brody July 27, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    Hi Stephen,
    We corresponded previously and I was touched by your elegance. I apologize in advance for not honoring your FAQ–but just on the wee chance it’s not as strict as pre-WeHappyTrans, I thought I’d try again.

    I’m from the admittedly often-hideous mainstream media (Glamour mag) but we have a great space for “making noise” if you might consider speaking out about an issue that you want millions to respond to — like CeCe McD….or where feminism needs to evolve to..or, we’d be so open.

    In any case, thank you for WeHappy–the world needs you.

    All the best,
    Liz

    • 23 Stephen July 27, 2012 at 6:33 pm

      Liz,

      I really do appreciate it but I just do not understand at all why you’d want me to write for Glamour!

      Best,
      S

      • 24 Liz Brody July 27, 2012 at 7:29 pm

        Here’s why:

        1. Having your voice in the magazine would be a chance to educate 12 million readers, who might not read your blog or see the video, to bust some of the pernicious myths about the transgender experience. It’s a chance to break through ignorance, which is something we’re committed to because a lot of our readers are struggling with identity and/or know someone. As an activist, it would be a great way to make an impact.
        2. (We profiled trans woman, Amy Karn, in 2010 and had a ton of people writing in to thank us. You have a lot more to say)
        3. You are a hero. For taking risks. For speaking out. And doing it so vividly.
        Best,
        Liz

  16. 25 Amy July 28, 2012 at 12:20 am

    Hi.

    I’ve followed your blog off and on for a little while now. I am a white heterosexual married mother of one (so far) but your eloquence moves me. I am just curious, having myself been sucked into the absurd chick-Fil-a conversation, if you have any opinion on the matter. If so, would you be willing to dedicate a post on it? I have read a lot from the Christian right… I am looking to read an intelligent, thoughtful comment from someone this chain is ‘against’. I realize you don’t precisely fit that quota, being neither gay nor married, but you definitely have your opinions and at least being one portion of the LGBT community might have something worthwhile to say.

    If you find the whole situation fowl (pun intended), I understand. I do too. I just dig being taught a thing or two about my preconceived notions from someone a lot young than me. It keeps me graciously humble.

    Best,
    Amy


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